Top ten things Edward could have done instead of stalking Bella at night

1. Listen to every single Coldplay album in existence.

2. Read the Brontes. Angst deeply.

3. SURF THE INTERNET, YOU MORON. IT’S WHAT THE REST OF US INSOMNIACS DO.

4. Write a novel. (This is also what we insomniacs do.)

5. Catch Pride and Prejudice 1995. All 6 hours of it. This should keep you occupied until dawn, after which the urge to watch Bella sleep will pass.

6. Surf Youtube’s endless videos on classical music. Rage at the pretentious comments. Write pretentious comments.

7. Stalk Mike Newton instead! Torture yourself with his unchivalrous fantasies!

8. Amazon has quite the clothing selection. Buy something non-beige.

9. Amazon also has this. You should probably read it.

10. How about more insider trading? You can never be too rich.

 

I know, I know, someone has to make sure Bella doesn’t fall off the bed and get a concussion. It’s a pretty thankless job, but what else are vampire guardian angels for?

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8 thoughts on “Top ten things Edward could have done instead of stalking Bella at night

      1. I do wonder about that. I imagine Edward has more hands-on experience (like being able to fly a plane), but we internet dwellers have the gift of not caring about anything, and that’s why we don’t stalk people. Edward may THINK he doesn’t care, but we all know he’s a huge softie. Or a huge stalker. Maybe both.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Good theory. Just like they say, seeing more always makes you want to know more.

        Or maybe not seeing, more of experiencing.
        So… being immortal makes one a stalker (think about how much things he has experienced)
        Welll.. hahaha

        Like

      3. Ooh, yes, he is always looking for new experiences! That’s a really good explanation of why he’s so obsessed with Bella. Kind of sick in a way, but Edward is kind of a sick person. I still love him, though.

        Liked by 1 person

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