Month: December 2014

Edward Cullen’s To-Do List

edward is pretty

1. Pretend to pay attention during History.

2. Sneak off to listen to Linkin Park because History is boring.

3. Laugh at Bella falling down.

4. Munch on the local wildlife.

5. Fantasize about munching on Bella.

6. Fantasize about not wanting to munch on Bella.

7. Buy more cars.

8. Buy Bella more stuff.

9. Debate with self whether to stalk Bella.

10. End up stalking Bella anyway.

11. Fantasize about not wanting to stalk Bella.

12. Rinse and repeat.

“He only beats me because of his tragic past,” or, a review of Fifty Shades of Grey

You know, if I never hear the word Adonis again, it will be too soo–

Apart from the paintings, the rest of the office is cold, clean, and clinical.  I wonder if it reflects the personality of the Adonis who sinks gracefully into one of the white leather chairs opposite me.

Well. Here we go again.

Continue reading ““He only beats me because of his tragic past,” or, a review of Fifty Shades of Grey”

Top six fictional characters who would be arrested in real life

Edward-Cullen-is-stalking-you-critical-analysis-of-twilight-11041144-326-180 (1)

Sometimes, characters get away with crimes and misdemeanors that would have us dialing 911 in 10 seconds, tops. In book-land, however, lovable criminals are quite common. Here they are, in all their unrepentant glory.

Continue reading “Top six fictional characters who would be arrested in real life”

“My drug habit will save us all, I promise,” or, a review of Take Me Tomorrow

I love drugs. Wait, let me rephrase that. I love reading about the drug industry. The people who take them are moderately interesting, but it’s the drugs themselves and the people who sell them that really fascinate me.

Hence my excitement when I heard of Take Me Tomorrow, by Shannon A. Thompson. Drugs + dystopia? Count me in, please and thank you. While Take Me Tomorrow didn’t completely live up to my expectations, there were things I really appreciated, such as the thread of moral ambiguity running through the narrative.

But first, the plot. Like many YA dystopias, it takes place in an America different from the one we know now. Take Me Tomorrow sets itself apart, however, by centering the story around a drug, tomo. Tomo’s origins are mysterious, but its effects are not: users can see the future, which the current regime does not like at all. As a result, the authorities have declared war on tomo and its…ah, fans. Continue reading ““My drug habit will save us all, I promise,” or, a review of Take Me Tomorrow”

Kitty and Nom Noms: The Love Story, or, a review of Eclipse (MAJOR SPOILERS AND RAMBLING)

Oh, do we have a pickle. Wolfie, the dark horse of New Moon, wants to eat Kitty. Kitty wants to eat Nom Noms, but she’s too cute to eat. In other words, the drama continues.

The plot…the plot…Everyone knows the plot. Victoria assembles a newborn army, Edward tries the “buy the cow and get the milk” approach to get Bella to marry him, Jacob pouts a lot and becomes very creepy, Edward is also creepy, but in a less rapey way, and Bella puts up with way too much manipulation (courtesy of Edward) and douchiness (courtesy of Jacob). Continue reading “Kitty and Nom Noms: The Love Story, or, a review of Eclipse (MAJOR SPOILERS AND RAMBLING)”

Stalking: It’s only okay when he’s hot

They're always watching.
They’re always watching.

In real life, when I hear about a guy following a girl home, I get scared. I hope she calls the cops. I hope they stop him.

In fiction, I’m more likely to get attacked by the warm and fuzzies. YA HAS BRAINWASHED ME, IT’S NOT MY FAULT I SWEAR. I’m just a victim of this misogynist culture. Okay, fine, it kind of is my fault, since I decided to fill my brain with a steady diet of the stuff. Ya know, no one forced me to do that. Continue reading “Stalking: It’s only okay when he’s hot”

The only thing hotter than an angel is a competent heroine, or, a review of Angelfall

It is a testament to this story that it features a badass, incredibly beautiful angel and yet someone else steals the show. And no, the person who steals the show is not the adorable, funny, hot demon love interest. (Yes, I read Fallen. Yes, I squeed over Cam. Those days are behind me. I think.) It was the heroine. Yes, that’s right. The ordinary, human heroine is the most compelling character.

anime Thor and Loki
This gif accurately captures my emotions.

Continue reading “The only thing hotter than an angel is a competent heroine, or, a review of Angelfall”