Somedaaaaay, my alpha will cooooome, or, a review of The Sheik

The Shiek

This is it, you guys. I’ve found the One True Alpha. All the rest of you posers can go home. Nothing like vintage alpha for a bit of nostalgia, and at 1919, The Sheik is considered by some the first romance novel ever. Sometimes, the original actually is the best  worst. NOTHING will ever be as terrible or as hilarious as this book. Hence the reason I read the entire thing with a gigantic smile on my face. IT WAS SO AWESOME. Except for…well, we’ll get to that. Continue reading “Somedaaaaay, my alpha will cooooome, or, a review of The Sheik”

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Siamese Mayhem finally finishes a series, or, a review of the Chemical Garden Trilogy

Chemical Garden Trilogy

One of the great tragedies of reviewing is that bad books always give me more to say. When I have an actual good book, I just can’t find the snark. Hopefully, it is possible for me to be interesting without making fun of something. However, I promise nothing. The Chemical Garden Trilogy is one of these happy few; they are the sort of books I have only good things to say about. Continue reading “Siamese Mayhem finally finishes a series, or, a review of the Chemical Garden Trilogy”

The obligatory kitty post

Kitty is doctored up

Once upon a time, there was a Russian soldier named Leon Nasevich. Like most of the people I know, he is fictional. He can be found here (yes, sometimes the Dear America series stays with you ten years later, which reminds me–I need to buy this book). I bring him up because he says something relevant to this post, which is that kittens’ genders are stamped on their bottoms.

Ha. Ha. Ha.

YOU LIED TO ME, LEON. Okay, fine, there IS something down there in a kitten’s um, area, but what is it? WHAT IS IT? Even our vets can’t tell at that stage, they said so.

As you might have guessed, I have a new kitty. Actually, it’s not precisely new–we’ve had it since Halloween–but it wasted no time in inserting itself into our lives and routine. I refer to the kitty as “it” because it hasn’t decided whether it’s a boy or a girl yet. Currently, it is a non-gendered entity that occasionally goes by the name of Toothless. Continue reading “The obligatory kitty post”

Why do (some) girls like jerks? No, really?

Chicks fall for it every time.
Chicks fall for it every time.

Yes, I am aware that many stupid people have asked this question in many stupid ways, but a little factoid hit me out of nowhere, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I can’t find the link, for which I’m very sorry; you’ll just have to trust me. It went a little something like this: In a 1950’s poll, many women said they considered belittlement and mockery a normal part of a happy marriage. And then I started wondering–were romance novels in the 60’s and 70’s influenced by this attitude? And are we influenced by bodice rippers today? I may not be able to explain why many women like all types of jerks (because there are many, dear reader, there are many), but perhaps I can shed light on why they like a certain sort. At least in the world of romance novels.

But before we begin, let’s define what a jerk IS, just so there’s no confusion. Continue reading “Why do (some) girls like jerks? No, really?”

#WW I Lost My Publisher

The lovely author Shannon A. Thompson’s publishing company has been shut down, which means her books are being pulled. Make sure to snap them up before January 31st. Shannon currently has no car or job, so she would greatly appreciate donations or requests for services (editing, marketing, etc.)

Shannon A Thompson

I Lost My Publisher 

There are no words, and there are too many words, so I am attempting to fall somewhere in between. If I stray into convoluted or chaotic mazes of explanation, I apologize from what is left of my writer’s heart.

Due to the vast Internet we find ourselves gathered on today, you might have already heard. You might not have. Either way, you will now (and finally) hear it from me.

AEC Stellar Publishing, Inc. – my publisher and employer for two years – has closed the doors.

If I could explain, I would, but I cannot. We did not go bankrupt. We had wonderfully talented authors (whom I still believe in fully) and a humble team I admired. We simply lost an essential piece, and without our piece, we would’ve broken, so AEC came to end – as all great novels do.

I am currently seeking…

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How to dethaw an ice queen, or, a review of The Iron King

This book is about a girl and her boys. Meghan, our heroine, thinks she’s an ordinary high school student. Her friend, Robbie (also known as Puck), doesn’t quite agree. Their arch-nemesis, Ash, just wants to kill them both. Ordinarily, this is how I feel about love triangles:

Elsa makes her feelings clear

But this particular story worked for me, and I think it may be because the romance was fairly light, none of the parties spent a large time waffling, and–while I wouldn’t say they had camaraderie–they all developed mutual, grudging respect for each other by the end. I think. Love triangles in which all the principles are likable go a long way towards assuaging my wrath. Take notes, aspiring writers, because this is how you make love triangles non-fury inducing. Continue reading “How to dethaw an ice queen, or, a review of The Iron King”

Edward Cullen’s To-Do List

edward is pretty

1. Pretend to pay attention during History.

2. Sneak off to listen to Linkin Park because History is boring.

3. Laugh at Bella falling down.

4. Munch on the local wildlife.

5. Fantasize about munching on Bella.

6. Fantasize about not wanting to munch on Bella.

7. Buy more cars.

8. Buy Bella more stuff.

9. Debate with self whether to stalk Bella.

10. End up stalking Bella anyway.

11. Fantasize about not wanting to stalk Bella.

12. Rinse and repeat.

“He only beats me because of his tragic past,” or, a review of Fifty Shades of Grey

You know, if I never hear the word Adonis again, it will be too soo–

Apart from the paintings, the rest of the office is cold, clean, and clinical.  I wonder if it reflects the personality of the Adonis who sinks gracefully into one of the white leather chairs opposite me.

Well. Here we go again.

Continue reading ““He only beats me because of his tragic past,” or, a review of Fifty Shades of Grey”

Top six fictional characters who would be arrested in real life

Edward-Cullen-is-stalking-you-critical-analysis-of-twilight-11041144-326-180 (1)

Sometimes, characters get away with crimes and misdemeanors that would have us dialing 911 in 10 seconds, tops. In book-land, however, lovable criminals are quite common. Here they are, in all their unrepentant glory.

Continue reading “Top six fictional characters who would be arrested in real life”